Have you ever been offended? Of course you have! We all have! It’s impossible to live in this world and not experience offense at one point or another. In fact, Luke 17:1 tells us it’s impossible for offense not to come. We are always going to have to deal with it.
It’s not what I would consider a happy experience. It’s very definition tells us otherwise.
Something done that hurts feelings or insults. That doesn’t sound pleasant, does it? In the Bible, the Word offense/offend literally means to entrap, to trip up, to entice to sin and stumble. That certainly doesn’t sound like freedom in Christ.
Living in offense is the opposite of walking in love. I Corinthians 13 tells us we are to endure long AND be patient and kind. Love doesn’t seek its own way. Love is not provoked. It’s ever ready to believe the best of every person. Love lives in a state of constant forgiveness. And any step outside of love is sin. So it’s literally a sin to carry offense.
Most of us probably deal with it as soon as it comes. We experience the hurt feelings and we forgive. We talk about it with the person and move on.
But sometimes that offense doesn’t want to go away. It likes to linger and play hide and seek in our souls and it finds the sneakiest hiding spots.
Boundaries or Walls?
We get hurt. We draw boundaries. That’s the way it goes. But my question to you is this. Is it a boundary or is it a wall? (I’m not against boundaries. Boundaries can be healthy and good.)
Boundaries are put in place to keep us from being hurt again by the same person. They keep the one who hurt us at a distance while the problem is being worked through. Boundaries are flexible and moveable. You can see over them and through them and around them. If and when restoration happens (which includes repentance and forgiveness AND change), the boundary can be easily taken down.
Walls, on the other hand, are hard, fixed and immovable objects we erect around our hearts. Not only do they keep the person who hurt us at a distance but everyone else too. We filter every word and action of every person through the wall of that offense, whether it was the person who hurt us or not.
Walls impact every single relationship we have negatively. They don’t just say, “This person isn’t going to hurt me again like that.” They say, “Never again will I let anyone hurt me like that.”
Boundaries are healthy. We use them through the process of healing and forgiveness. Walls give the allusion of a boundary, but they are a sneaky hiding spot for offense. You may have said the words “I forgive” but walls will keep you bound by unforgiveness and offense.
Denial
Another place offenses hide is denial and avoidance.
“Bother me? What? No way! That didn’t hurt me. I’ve got thicker skin than that!”
We pretend like what they said or did didn’t hurt us at all. We act like we’re superman or wonder woman. “I have emotions of steel! You can’t hurt me!”
But it isn’t true. We are just denying the hurt. We’re burying it far beneath the surface so we can’t feel it, but it’s still there. Hiding.
Remember Luke 17:1. Offense is going to come to us all. Denial allows it to hide out in our lives for a while. It’s better to just acknowledge it. “Hey that hurt me!” Hit it head on and work through it. Get that offense as far away from you as possible so you aren’t living entangled and ready to stumble at any time.
Healing
Sometimes we allow offense to hide in the words, “I’m healing. It’s a process.”
Healing is legit and it really is a process that takes time. But if you’re reliving it over and over in your mind, offense is trying to hide out instead of heal.
The best way to make sure offense isn’t taking root during the healing process is to ask yourself, “Am I doing what the Bible says to do?” Luke 6:28 is a great place to start.
Are you blessing the one who cursed you? Have you accepted it as your mission to pray for the one that mistreated you? You can do this with boundaries firmly in place, making sure they aren’t in position to continue to hurt you. (Hello – any kind of abuse is never okay! Not emotional abuse. Not physical abuse. Not mental abuse. Not verbal abuse.)
Abuse isn’t okay but neither is living offended. Blessing them and praying for them is one of the best ways to quicken the healing process and make sure offense hasn’t found a hiding spot in your soul.
So if you’re wondering if offense is playing hide and seek with you, ask yourself these questions:
Are they boundaries or walls? Am I in denial? Am I hiding offense behind the words “I’m healing. It’s a process.”
There is so much more to say about offense. What it does, like keeping us bound and making us blind. How it grows into a root of bitterness. How it can put a distance between us and those that love us the most. And so much more. But let’s wrap it up with this today.
I heard this quote and thought it was amazing.
Offense is an event. Offended is a choice.
We can’t help what happens to us. But we can choose how we respond to it and whether or not we live a lifestyle of being bound by offense.
You don’t have to feel like it to let go of offense. You can refuse to allow bitterness to fester. Living offended doesn’t entangle the other person. It keeps you bound.
Stop playing hide and seek with offense. Kick it out and live free. It feels amazing!
