I sent my daughter off to her last day of high school ever today. She’s my last. These are the lasts of all the lasts. Excuse me while I have a moment here. Where are the tissues?
So I decided to ease into my day. I took a minute to pause with my tea and my Bible on my porch swing, which is one of my favorite places. My porch swing. My grandpa Broadway made it and my grandma Broadway and my older sister sat on it while they waited for news of my birth.
It’s special to me. It’s a place I find comfort and solace and peace. It’s a place I connect God.
I didn’t even crack my Bible, and that’s okay. He was still there. I just sat and let the memories flood my soul and allowed myself feel all the feels.
The first time I put her on the school bus for kindergarten. And all the other times between then and now. Sitting on that same porch swing, waiting for her and her brothers to get off the bus.
Then I blinked and she was driving herself to school. Those were bittersweet days. When I drove her, I enjoyed the time in the car talking. But I’m not gonna lie – the time it freed up on my schedule was sweet. And eventually they need to learn to fly.
Remembering the moments. The talent shows and school programs. Awards ceremonies and presentations for accomplishments. Band Concerts. Choir Concerts. Mini majorettes and then marching at halftime with her flute under the Friday Night Lights.
There were not so happy memories too. The defeats. Not getting on student council. Again. The losing and learning instead of the joy of winning. Not getting “THE” part or “THE” grade.
The happy tears and the broken hearts. All of it echoed in my soul as I swung on my swing with my tea.
There are pluses to remembering. The warm fuzzies and the feel goods of all the high moments. Seeing the hand of God at work, knowing He is working still. It brings peace and hope, reminding me He is already in my tomorrows. And hers.
But, OH, there are pitfalls to remembering. Like the regrets. Getting lost in criticizing yourself. “Have I failed as a parent?”
“Why didn’t I do that more?”
“Why did I do that so much?
“If I had only…..”
Don’t go there. Did you hear me?
DON’T. GO. THERE.
Here’s the thing. We can’t change the past. We can’t. No matter how many times we try to rewrite the ending in our minds, it doesn’t change.
But what we can do is remember.Take stock. Make changes. Ask for forgiveness if necessary and ask God for help to move forward differently if we don’t like what we see when we look back. Our history doesn’t have to determine our future. Everything is redeemable in God.
Take time to remember. It’s a good thing. But don’t get stuck in the pitfalls.
The past is forever cemented, but the future is ours to decide.
You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way. In kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. With your hand of love upon my life, you impart a blessing to me.
Psalms 139:5 (tpt)