Somewhere in November, we all got sick. Not at the same time, mind you. One at a time. One would get better, and the next one would get sick.
It dragged on and on. So we kind of started watching the Hallmark Christmas movies. All 277 of them.
After just watching a few, we recognized a pattern. There was this girl and this guy. And they hated each other. Then they liked each other. Then they’d stop talking to each other. Then they decided it was worth it after all. Then they lived happily ever after.
Same song. Second verse. And Third verse. And fourth verse. And 277th verse. (There are a LOT of Hallmark Christmas movies.)
Insecurities can be like that. Trust me. I know. I was riddled with them at one time.
Same song. Second verse.
I really got tired of dealing with them a while back. To be honest, I had someone tell me I was hard to be friends with because my insecurities made me exhausting to deal with. That kind of pushed me farther into insecurity for a while.
But I finally said enough is enough. And it wasn’t until I started to try to break free of them that I noticed the pattern.
- Something happens to make you feel insecure. (I call that a trigger.)
- You agree with the feeling.
- You react from insecurity, which generally pushes people away.
- You get even more insecure.
It’s a vicious cycle. But you can break the cycle and create a new pattern. It’s not easy, but it can be done.
You can change the song!
Triggers happen. Deal with it.
When something happens to trigger the insecurity, it’s easy to fall into the cycle and keep singing new verses of the same song. And guess what. Triggers never stop! (I know – not great news, but it’s the truth.)
You may still have things happen daily that trigger that insecurity, and the thought can be, “If I were truly overcoming this, things wouldn’t bother me.”
That’s a lie. Don’t give up just because something triggers an insecurity. Recognize it. Call it what it is – a trigger. And face it head on.
Triggers evoke feelings
Just like cutting yourself causes pain, triggers evoke feelings.
- I’m not good enough.
- I’m not smart enough.
- I’m not pretty enough.
- I’m not thin enough.
- I’m not funny enough.
- I’m not rich enough.
- I’m not _____ enough.
Don’t just try to bury it or ignore it because it’s uncomfortable or negative. That’s just like ignoring a cut and not putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. You’d get blood everywhere if you did that. What a mess.
Not dealing with the feeling a trigger brings up is like not putting a Band-Aid on a cut. You make a mess.
We can tend to give up here to and give in to insecurity. “If I were really a secure person, I wouldn’t have these emotions anymore.”
That’s like saying, “If I were a really strong person, cutting myself wouldn’t hurt.”
The truth is, the only time cutting yourself doesn’t hurt is if there’s something wrong with you. A disease that deadens the nerves.
Just know – you’re normal if a trigger evokes an emotion. Everyone has insecure thoughts and feelings and emotions. Healthy people just deal with them.
Agreeing with the Feeling
This is where you can change the song.
Insecurity is BEGGING you to agree with it. To take hold of the negative emotions and run with them.
This is where you take charge. You don’t have to agree with the feeling!
You’re not in control of what happens to you (the trigger). You’re not even in charge of whether or not the trigger causes an emotion.
But you are in FULL control of what you DO with the feeling.
What will change the song for you – what will break the cycle – is asking yourself this simple question:
IS THIS FEELING TRUE?
The answer, of course, is NO!
Say this with me – my feelings lie to me. When we give voice to our feelings, it validates them to us in our minds, so we need to agree with the right things.
Our feelings can lie to us. Just because we feel it doesn’t make it true.
What’s true about you is the Word. What does the Word say? That you are not _____ enough? No way!
Instead of agreeing with emotion and letting it drag you farther down into insecurity, change the song.
Don’t sing the old song of I’m not good enough. I’m not likeable. I’m not loveable. I can’t change. I’ll never measure up.
Sing a new song. Give voice to what God says about you. Agree with Him. He made me an overcomer. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He makes me valuable. I’m priceless. I’m beautiful. I’m precious. I’m worth it. I’m _____ enough!
Lies All Lies
Insecurities are lies, and they don’t get to tell us who we are. Only God is allowed to do that. He made us. He knows all about us. And what He says about us is right. Even if we don’t feel like it.
The more we give ourselves to His truth about us, the more freedom we’ll have from insecurities. And freedom is so sweet.
So go ahead. Change your song. Let freedom ring.